What Happens When You Un-die

•December 3, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Sorry for skipping a few weeks. I was waiting for Scott, my writer friend, to write a little something about today’s post in the style of the book he is going to write. But being a producer of a TV is apparently too much work. Whatever.

JC resurrected several people, though one was really well known. They all had a similar problem that he didn’t know at the time and now regrets. They can’t die. You only die once.

Lazarus, although he wasn’t the first person JC brought back from the dead, took the hardest. Probably because he was the oldest, and, living a long life, he was ready to die. He had said his goodbyes and was set to pass on. OK, so he was only 30 and died of an illness that took him pretty quickly. When JC brought him back he was grateful. He was also famous. He wrote a famous but to keep all eyes on his friend JC, he used a¬†pseudonym. I’ll give you a hint: it is the fourth in a series.

Anyway, his fame almost got him killed. He was evidence that JC was who he claimed to be. And of course, no one likes someone who comes back from the dead. Not that many friendly zombie movies out there. Lazarus had to run away to save his life. He didn’t know that it was impossible for anyone to kill him.

About ten years later he realized that he wasn’t getting younger. As anybody in their late thirties or early forties would feel, he was ecstatic. A few decades later, he realized he wasn’t going to die. After his first child died, he started to wonder if that was a good thing after all. He prayed to his old friend to see if there was a chance he could still die and be reunited with his family. Being the God of Knowledge and friend to JC, I went in his place. Lazarus was truly immortal. He’ll die when the person who granted him life dies. Unfortunately, that would be JC, an immortal.

For almost a millennium, Lazarus was able to cope. But so many loved ones can die before you choose solidarity, and so many years in solidarity will turn a man bitter and crazy. That is the state of the Lazarus today. He has claimed, multiple times, that he will get revenge on his old friend, JC, and the messenger, me.

See you next week, maybe.

America’s Election

•November 5, 2012 • Leave a Comment

For the Americans reading this. I honestly don’t care who’s president. First, so much of what he candidates promise is based on what congress or the courts do, hence why so many promises get broken. But mostly the elections are all about not voting for the other guy, that’s just not how you find the best person for the job. By the way, the best person for the job will not be winning, or running. The state of U.S. politics scared them away from taking office.

Got to keep it short. See you next week.

Kneel Before Zo- I Mean God

•October 29, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Just a quick observation. Have you noticed that those who say they are strong through Christ also describe themselves as sheep, an animal not known for its strength?

Sure, you could talk your way out of it, but in general, you don’t say a sheep is strong because of the shepherd leading it. When you convince someone that thy are strong despite needing someone to provide everything for him, while simultaneously convincing them that they need someone to provide them with everything pretty much guarantees they will follow you. You get the submissiveness without the feeling of weakness that would normally accompany it.

But was that my father’s idea or the writers of the bible? I’ll leave that up for debate.

See you next week.

P.S. (note from author): I will be busy in the upcoming month working on a pilot for a local tv show I created. This hopefully only means shorter posts and not missing ones, but we’ll see. I’ll still try to make them normal size, whatever that may be.

Faith in Who?

•October 22, 2012 • 4 Comments

To give up faith in Christ is to give up faith in humanity…

– Philip Schaff

Tiny problem; if you lose faith in Christ, and this is a faith that believes Jesus and my dad are the same, someone who could solve all the worlds problems with a flick of his wrist, you only have the human race to have faith in. Despite the negative things humans do, this is a good thing. It’s better to have faith in a total stranger you see on the street than a god you’ve never met. This because humans can do things gods can’t, as much as some of don’t like to admit that. So many miracles have been repeated by man, especially in modern medicine. There are operations that can give some blind people their sight, some deaf their hearing, and the (very) recently dead their life (I’m referring to the dead of a few minutes). Man can replace blood entirely, including the marrow. Not too many gods can say that.

But I sort of digressed from my point a little, which was that with faith in God, assuming he meant turning to atheism (and despite my actually knowing, that’s all you’ll get to do), all you faith goes into humanity. This is similar to the arguments men and women of faith make that atheists aren’t accountable to anyone. Not true, they are more responsible to the human race, at least that’s what they feel. Their responsibility isn’t distracted by a god who gives them rules they may not understand. They have to come up with their own rules and understand why they are necessary. Take adultery. Now, I’m not saying that those in faith don’t understand why adultery is a sin, but when asked, they can point to the Ten Commandments, saying God said so. How many times have you heard someone give that as an excuse? The only option an atheist has is to say, “I shouldn’t cheat on my spouse because it would hurt my spouse.” There’s no higher being forcing them to do these with rules to live by.

So to summarize, losing your faith an sense of responsibility and accountability to my father and step-brother, your faith and sense of responsibility and accountability to the human race grows.

See you next week.

God Helps Those Who Do His Work For Him

•October 15, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Sorry about missing last week. Let’s just say things got weird.

Anyway, you know the phrase “God helps those who help themselves.” It’s a simple saying, and fairly easy to understand. Although, to me it makes Dad seem lazy. If somebody’s helped themselves, why would he need to step in and help them. Try offering to move a friend’s refrigerator, after they’ve already moved it. But that’s just me making fun him, as I tend to do. What it’s supposed to mean is that as long as you put your foot in the door, my father will open it.

It just isn’t true. After realizing helping out caused way more problems than it solved, Dad stopped helping out. But some people were stubborn. They kept waiting for God to do something. Something needed to be done. That’s when I…did nothing. As much as I hate to admit it, the solution was Dad’s idea. Being the God of Creation (or Creativity, as would be more appropriate), he convinced writers to put pen to paper the ideas behind the phrase. Though nearly all the stories failed in the market, the idea managed to seek in. Now less people rely on him than ever. They do things for themselves, like they are supposed to. I get upset sometimes when they still give Father the credit, but not much I can do at this point. Whatever.

See you next week.

Still in Recovery

•October 1, 2012 • 1 Comment

I apologize for not having a real post this week. What kept me from giving a long post last week kept me from planning one this week. Without going into details, one way to get past the fact that I know you’re planning an apocalypse is to bombard me with things I need to take care of. This has been happening for two and a half weeks. It should be over now, and it was worth doing as, as I’m sure you can tell, you are all still alive.

For next week, since I’m still recovering, I could use some suggestions. Ask me anything, whether it’s about knowledge, intelligence, or any of the other gods. I normally don’t like talking about the other pantheons, but I’m too tired to care right now. If you want to know, ask away.

I would like to apologize as well to a commenter who posted a caring comment wishing me to get well. In my weakened state I stopped paying attention to what I was doing and clicked a wrong button, deleting it instead of approving it. Making mistakes is rare for me, but it does happen. I figured I would post what had happened to remind everyone that we gods are not perfect.

See you next week.

Knowledgeable Truth

•September 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been having a rough couple of days, so I’m going to keep this quick. Knowledge is brain-based. It can be wrong. You knew that Earth was the center of the universe. You were wrong. The truth simply is. It doesn’t matter how much of it you know about, the truth will be.

If that was too confusing, just ask questions. Or ask for me to elaborate more next week. I should be better by then.